


Quentin Gets Fingered

by amagpie



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: A little bit of angst, Anal Fingering, Episode: Plan B, F/M, Humiliation, Niffin!Alice's biphobia, handjob, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 20:48:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21003944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amagpie/pseuds/amagpie
Summary: Quentin may not have many subtle social skills to speak of, but he’s well aware that Operation: Get Finger in Mouth is not going to be so simple for him.Missing scene from the bank heist episode.





	Quentin Gets Fingered

The gang goes their separate ways - Eliot to enchant the gravity belt, Julia to prep something that may turn out to be useful, and Kady to get freshened up for a quick and easy seduction. Quentin may not have many subtle social skills to speak of, but he’s well aware that Operation: Get Finger in Mouth is not going to be so simple for him. 

“She’s going to take one look at you and run screaming. You have zero charm in that misshapen body of yours.”

Quentin glances to where Alice is reclining on an old chair. “I’m focusing, Alice. Please, please be quiet.”

“What could you possibly be focusing on? This is never going to work.”

Quentin tries to fix his hair in the mirror, but he’s distracted by the harsh line of his clenched jaw. The low level of frustration, sadness, and annoyance has become so routine to him that he’s forgotten it could make him look like this. He tries to relax his face. 

“Why not go for Neckbeard or White Privilege? Too focused on getting their dicks in your mouth that you wouldn’t be able to handle focusing on their fingers?” Alice taunts, girlish and rough.

Quentin rolls his eyes at the jab, his neck stretching like he can physically let the words roll off his shoulders if he tries hard enough. 

“How about,” Alice jumps out of the chair and marches behind him. “Give me two hours a night, just two little hours, and I’ll shut up all night. You won’t hear me at all while you make a fool of yourself.”

“No,” Quentin clenches out like he’s talking down a willful child. “I won’t do that.”

Alice rolls her eyes. “Suit yourself.”

* * *

Quentin has a plan. It may not be a very good plan, but it is a plan.

“This is never going to work,” Alice says apathetically.

“Yes, it will.”

Quentin can’t just grab a woman’s finger and shove it in his mouth like Kady or he’ll be swiftly arrested. Instead, he’s going to be nice and pathetic and hope for a stroke of luck. And he’s got a deck of cards in his pocket to do a trick that ends with a finger in his mouth and not a punch in the face. 

“Bad plan.”

“Only plan.”

“We could cut it off.” Quentin gives Alice a horrified look. “Simple. Clean.”

“If you’re trying to convince me to give you free reign of my body, this is not the way to do it.”

“Wanna give me pointers, Q? Teach me how to manipulate you better? I am getting a little bored of your easy buttons.”

He shakes his head. Focus. 

* * *

The bar is already dark at happy hour with enough people around so that Quentin doesn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Most people are dressed in business casual straight from work, but there’s enough people in jeans to make Quentin feel less self-conscious about his choice of wooing attire. Blazers make him itchy. 

Quentin leans himself heavy against the bar next to Miss Librarian Bank Manager. “So, uh, come here often?” 

Cliche, but at least he already knows the answer to the question. 

“Yeah.” The bank manager takes another sip of her martini not even looking at him. “Convenient spot. You?”

“Oh, um, no. First time.” 

“Okay,” she says disdainfully. When he doesn’t move away, she glances over at him. Quentin tries to keep his body still while she does the once over. This will all go much better if he can pretend to be a normal, functioning person. 

Luckily, she seems to like what she sees and meets his eyes. 

“Cheers to new beginnings,” She says magnanimously. 

“Cheers,” he tips his beer against hers. 

Alice appears next to him. “Huh, she kind of looks lie me.”

Quentin’s head whips around so fast to stare at Alice that he thinks he might have actually scared the bank manager away. He can’t do what he needs to do if she looks like Alice, he just can’t. 

With a slow breath, he turns himself back to the woman. Beyond the blonde hair, she barely looks anything like Alice. Maybe the jaw. But he needs to ignore that. “Sorry, um, I saw a bug.”

She lets out a merciful laugh. “I’m deathly afraid of bees.”

“Me, too.”

“The buzzing just gives me the creeps. 

“Oh my god,” Alice says with disgust. “Just stick her finger in your mouth! Stop wasting time, this is boring.”

Quentin tries to keep his eyes firmly planted on the woman in front of him to ignore Alice, but then he loses track of how many seconds he’s been staring. It feels like it’s starting to inch into creepy territory, but he can’t look away. 

“What?” The woman asks, her hand crawling up to her face.

“You’re just- uh - really beautiful.”

A slight, surprised smile lights up her face. “Thank you.” She looks at him critically for a moment before deciding on something, then holds out her hand and says, “I’m Natalie.”

With a firm shake, he says, “Quentin.”

Quentin stalls with a sip of his drink. He’s feeling pretty good about the leg work he’s done, but he’s self-conscious about the plan now that it’s time to put it into action. 

Quentin takes a steadying breath and goes for it. “Wanna see a card trick?”

Natalie’s face scrunches up in disgust, and the most polite “God, no” he’s ever heard comes out of her mouth.

“Oh, okay.”

Alice rolls her eyes and hops up onto the bar. “I told you. Bad plan.” She looks back and forth between Natalie and him. “Say she’s got something on her finger and lick it off.”

He looks at her with too-wide eyes - a move he’s hoping comes off as subtle instead of crazy - but Alice just smiles coyly back at him. “What? It’s worth a shot. I’m being helpful.”

Quentin briefly weighs the pros and cons of taking Alice’s shady advice. Nothing to lose. 

Quentin points to her hand. “I think you have something on your hand.”

“What? Where?” Natalie holds her hand up closer to her face.

“Oh, just a little, um, let me,” Quentin goes to reach for her hand, praying that he has some kind of suavity to pull off this move, but she pulls her hand back before he can make contact. 

“Ugh, sorry, I was knocking back a round of ribs before you got here. I have to wash my hands or I’ll feel sticky forever. One moment.”

She chugs the last of her martini, grabs her purse, and heads to the bathroom. 

“Shit,” Quentin mumbles under his breath.

“At least you didn’t have to suck rib sauce off her finger,” Alice taunts. 

Except that he didn’t succeed in sucking any of her fingers into his mouth, and now she’s going to leave and he’s going to have to do something slimy or else face the wrath of Margo and disappointment of Julia. 

Dejectedly, he rests his head on his hand. 

“Should have just grabbed it.”

“Shut up,” Quentin whispers into his hands.

“Hey,” Quentin jolts his head up at the sound. He really thought she was just gonna leave without saying anything, but here Natalie is, standing behind him with freshly washed hands. “So I have an early start tomorrow-” Oh shit, he is gonna have to just grab her. “-Do you wanna head back to mine?” 

Quentin looks at her open face. She really is pretty (and if she looks a little bit like Alice, no one has to know). He’s fairly certain he can get her finger into his mouth if they make out.

“Yeah, definitely.”

* * *

Making out is not the neutral activity he thought it would be. 

“Your face looks ugly when you kiss. Did you know? God I can’t believe I ever kissed you.”

Quentin lifts his middle finger at Alice while kissing Natalie. 

“You’re such a pathetic loser. Why are you wasting time? Get her finger in your mouth!”

The yelling is really pulling him out of the moment. Even though this is purely business, Natalie kisses him like a fucking hoover and it’s a little intense but also kind of working for him. He’d love to actually enjoy it. 

He pulls her hand up to his mouth, licking up her palm and trying to smoothly get to a finger, but the second he’s done with her palm she pulls her hand back and down.

“This what you want?” Natalie says as she works a hand into his pants, wrapping dainty fingers around his hardening length. 

“Oh, uh, yes?”

She pulls back from his mouth and hungrily looks him over. “God, you’re cute.”

“She’s lying,” Alice berates. 

A smile that looks far too much like a grimace graces Quentin’s face. “Thank you.”

Alice circles them, eyes watchful like a hawk, like she’s looking for any show of weakness to pounce on. 

Quentin takes a moment to try to enjoy this and regroup. Okay, he has this woman’s hand on his cock. It’s nice, it’s fine, it’s great. But what he really needs is a finger. 

“Your cock feels cute, too. I wanna see it.” This woman’s got mischief in her eyes, and Quentin feels helpless to do anything but nod. 

Natalie pushes him to the bed and yanks his pants down. Quentin thinks he hears a quick  _ pathetic _ come from the corner of the room, then groans as Natalie takes his cock in hand again. 

“You’re such a disgrace. Somehow you’ve gotten your mouth even further away from her finger. Can you do anything right.”

Quentin knows he has a job to do, but it would be really fucking nice if he could have one moment to actually be here with another person without his niffin ex-girlfriend  _ yelling at him _ . 

“Aww, poor baby. Can’t get it up if I’m being mean to you? Ooh, or is this making you harder?” Quentin looks down at where Natalie is giving him a perfectly acceptable handjob. He doesn’t think the yelling is affecting his libido - just his nerves - but he can’t be sure. 

His hands move up to grab his hair in frustration - a move he’s hoping is interpreted as desire - and he glares daggers at Alice. He wishes he could tell her to be quiet but he can’t say anything without sounding like a crazy person. 

“Look at you. Fucking some rando to take one for the team. Ever hear of a backbone, Quentin? Or a brain? You know the spell doesn’t need your mouth right?” She paces back and forth, all restless energy. “Get her finger up your ass and we’ll be out of here in no time.”

“My ass?” He repeats, trying to make sense of the suggestion. He guesses she’s right. 

Natalie’s hand stops working on his cock. “Oh my god, yes, I never thought you’d ask.”

Quentin’s eyes go wide as saucers. “Uh, what?”

He looks down to see Natalie pop a finger in her mouth real quick before working it behind his balls. “I love doing this to guys, but most aren’t really into it. I knew I liked you.”

Quentin’s hands curl up in fists. He has maybe one second to decide if robbing this bank is worth it. It feels like his brain is stuck on a loop of Julia’s sad face and Alice’s niffin coolness.

Natalie rubs her finger against his hole. At least she seems experienced and isn’t gonna just shove it in.

The weirdest little mocking pixie laugh comes out of Alice. “This is pathetic. I can’t believe you’re letting this stranger fuck you up the ass just to please your friends.”

Quentin shuts his eyes. Without Alice here berating him, it might even feel good. Natalie isn’t rough with him, it’s not her fault he only went home with her for her finger. Maybe if he can just shut his eyes he can tune Alice out-

“Nuh uh,  _ Q _ , you can’t get rid of me that easily.” Alice sits on the bed right beside him and he can almost feel the phantom weight of her. “

The finger doesn’t feel too bad at all until, shit, suddenly it does not feel good. Sharp? Why is this so sharp? Quentin scrunches up his face as he realizes she has nails that currently feel like they are hitting his insides on every other stroke. 

“You’d think she’d trim if she liked doing this so much,” Alice absently notes. Quentin almost laughs. 

Alice glances down at his cock. “I think your dick actually is getting harder at this. You always were a sick pervert.”

And it’s not even true, his dick is definitely deflating just a bit from the discomfort of the finger even though Natalie is trying her hardest to make him feel good. “No,” he groans.

Alice raises her eyebrows.

Natalie pops her head up, “No? Do you not like this?”

“Um, no, it’s great.” 

“Real smooth,” says Alice, and Quentin just needs a second to  _ think _ . 

“No- um, you’re great, I just-“ he sits up and catches a glimpse of his finger - his now decidedly womanly finger. He’s done here. “I just remembered I have a birthday thing - party - I forgot and my nephew he’s um, the party so.” He pulls up his pants and tries to button them while making his way towards the door. He can’t stop fumbling and Alice is meanly laughing and he just needs out. “Sorry, I have to go.”

Natalie frowns at him from the bed. “Sure? Bye.”

“Uh, sorry.” Quentin grabs his bag and almost drops it in his haste to get out of the apartment. 

Alice’s smile is nasty and sharp. “I don’t think that could have gone any better.”


End file.
